Burcin Oztinaz/Formsante
If you started to use phrases such as “I’m tired, let’s sleep now”, “I have a headache”, how about discovering the underlying reason before your relationship reaches the breaking point? If you are ready to face the reasons that can cause coldness in your sex life, let’s get started!
SEXUAL PROBLEMS
exp. Ps. Oya Çelik said, “The sexual response cycle in women consists of five phases: desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. The desire phase is the most important phase that initiates and shapes sexuality. Therefore, the decrease or complete disappearance of desire brings deterioration in other stages as well,” he says, and adds: “In pain disorders such as vaginismus, avoidance of sexuality and a decrease in sexual desire can occur because sexuality is perceived as fearful and painful. Many vaginismus patients avoid sex because of the pain and fear they feel.” exp. On the other hand, Clinical Psychologist Başkak says the following about the issue and the solution: “In the couples we provide counseling, women accept the situation as if they are obliged to a life without sexuality until therapy. Thinking of sex as a moment of horror that should be avoided also leads to frigidity. Vaginismus can be completely resolved in an average of six or seven sessions with hypnotherapy. Anorgasmia (inability to orgasm) is also a very common cause of frigidity. Despite many reasons, for women who could not recognize sexuality and sexual pleasure in their own body and who lacked any experience of sexual pleasure, sexuality is a meaningless process that must be endured only for someone else. The problem of orgasm disorder, which has a very high rate, can also be resolved very quickly with hypnotherapy.”
STRESS
Stress and depression can negatively affect the whole life, as well as cause problems in sex life. Specialist from Istanbul Faculty of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry. Ps. Oya Çelik said, “Economic difficulties, diseases and deaths, and the negative effects of busy work life, which cause distress and sadness, can periodically reduce sexual desire. For example; It can be difficult for an individual who has job stress and is deeply concerned about his economic conditions to direct his attention to his body, sexuality and his partner. Sad events of life can also cause long-term stress and psychological problems such as depression and burnout. These problems can also affect sexual interest. In such cases, it is necessary to take initiatives to overcome the troublesome process in the first place.”
DRUGS USED
Physical and psychiatric diseases such as over- or under-functioning of the adrenal glands, low thyroid hormones, depression and anxiety disorders can also reduce sexual desire. In addition, the drugs used in these diseases can also cause a decrease in sexual desire. exp. Clinical Psychologist-Hypnotherapist Mehmet Başkak said, “All drugs have side effects as well as benefits. Especially when drugs based on desensitization and numbing are used, serious problems can be experienced in sexual life. It may be necessary to talk to physicians about the side effects of drugs, to learn about the side effects of these drugs and to change them when necessary. exp. Ps. Oya Çelik, on the other hand, says that if the cause of the decrease in sexual desire is a disease or a drug, the diagnosis of sexual desire disorder is not made.
PARTNER’S SEXUAL PROBLEMS
The partner’s problems such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, sexual reluctance, ejaculation difficulties may cause you to have problems with arousal and satisfaction after a while. exp. Ps. Oya Celik said, “Women whose partners have sexual dysfunction often say, ‘In the beginning I was very enthusiastic and willing, but as the problem recurred, my desire also decreased, I am not too close anymore. If the same thing is going to happen in the end, we can hear statements like ‘What would happen if there was sexuality, what would happen if it didn’t’. A sexual problem in one partner often causes sexual problems in the other, ”says she. exp. Clinical Psychologist Başkak says, “Sexual problems such as inability to get an erection and premature ejaculation in men can cause fatigue, boredom, boredom after a while, as women cannot meet their expectations, or the negativity of unfinished sexuality can cause them to develop a coldness towards the relationship at a subconscious level.”
SHORT TERM FOREWORD
The fact that the partner is result-oriented and lacks empathy, and that foreplay is passed quickly every time can also cause a coldness in women over time. Foreplay is important in terms of preparing both men and women for sexual intercourse both mentally and physically. It is necessary not to rush for a satisfying sexuality.
DISLIKE YOUR BODY
Your sexual life may be negatively affected if you become disliked by thoughts such as “I couldn’t lose the weight I gained after giving birth”, “My breasts drooped after breastfeeding” and then “You don’t find me attractive anymore”. exp. Ps. Çelik says that women’s relations with their bodies are generally weaker and more negative than men’s, and that popular culture has a great influence on this. “Especially the ideal female body measurements and structure reflected in the media cause women to compare themselves to the women they see on television and to dislike them. As a result of this, a woman who does not like herself, thinks that she is not attractive and has lost her attraction, cannot leave herself to sexuality and her partner comfortably. It is difficult for the individual who does not enjoy his own body to enjoy the relationship with his partner, and this reduces sexual interest and desire. A person who is satisfied with himself and his body, who loves, respects and trusts himself, will leave himself to sexuality more easily and will turn towards the other person with these positive feelings. In short, how the individual finds himself and how he feels about himself will determine his sexual approach,” she says.
FEAR OF PREGNANCY
exp. Ps. Oya Çelik: “Consciously or unconsciously, not wanting to get pregnant brings about avoiding sexuality. When a woman does not want to become pregnant for various reasons such as not being ready for the responsibilities of motherhood, fear of childbirth, and anxiety about the change in relationship dynamics that the child will bring, she may also inhibit her desire to avoid sexual intercourse. This situation causes a more pronounced mental conflict, especially when the spouse wants a child or not. In such cases, uncovering and resolving these concerns will be sufficient for sexual desire to re-establish.”
RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
Saying, “Women’s sexual desire is more fragile than men’s,” Uzm. Ps. Oya Celik says that the general course of the relationship also affects sexuality. So if you are angry with your partner, offended or not satisfied with the balance of power in your relationship, this may be affecting your sex life as well.
Insomnia and tiredness
Insomnia and fatigue not only negatively affect concentration. exp. Clinical Psychologist-Hypnotherapist Mehmet Başkak says that the intense work pace, the work that moves home, and the fatigue caused by night life reduce body resistance and sexuality is also affected by this.
MALE WITHOUT CARE
As time goes on, it’s getting harder to find the attention on the first date in relationships. Is this the case in your relationship too? It may be that your spouse does not have the habit of brushing his teeth, does not pay attention to the cleanliness of the private area, smells of tobacco, alcohol and sweat may be keeping you away from sexual intercourse. What you need to do in such a situation is to raise the issue without being offensive.