The first and fifth years, which are called crisis years in marriages, are usually the periods when every couple has their biggest arguments. According to TURKSTAT’s 2010 data, 39.9 percent of divorces occurred within the first five years of marriage. Ps. According to Uğur Dalan, the biggest problem experienced in the first years is the adaptation problem; “Couples trying to adapt to marriage, a new life, new responsibilities, different cultures and families; Especially if the periods of getting to know each other before marriage are not sufficient, they experience great problems and these problems can progress to separation. In order to avoid these problems in the first years of marriage, the pre-marital period should be evaluated well, couples should know each other sufficiently and couples should show themselves as they are. Especially in marriages established by people who present themselves differently before marriage, these problems are seen a lot.” The causes of the 10th year crisis, on the other hand, are different from those experienced in the first years. The biggest reason here is shown as the decrease in interest, love and respect.
The reasons for application in this group are the problems that did not come to light in time due to the hustle and bustle of daily life and the busyness of children, and the emergence of problems as a result of retirement and children leaving home after getting married. Other reasons for application: Applying to therapy as a last chance before the divorce, individual applications to cope with the stress during the divorce, adaptation meetings for both themselves and the children after the divorce. Before marriage: ‘How can we make our relationship better?’ The question becomes the main purpose in these couples. Early marriage: The highest demand comes from couples at this stage. Because marriage is a big change in life. It’s kind of like a life crisis. Spouse’s family, budget management, miscommunication, jealousy, sexuality are among the biggest reasons for divorce in this period. Marriages that have been going on for a while: In ongoing marriages, the reason for application can often be a new situation, person or circumstances involved in life. The involvement of the people who have to look after life (the spouse’s elderly parents), the employment of the unemployed woman, appointments, assignments, changes in the city can fuel marital conflicts and couples therapy can be a reason for application. Elderly couples: We can say that these couples are the group that applies the least to couples therapy.
As a result, communication problems and infidelity are also consequences, which can take couples to the courtroom. In order not to experience this problem, try to keep yourself and your marriage fresh, avoid a monotonous life. This problem is quite common in non-renewed monotonous marriages.
Take your time
Ps. Uğur Dalan says that their first advice to couples who are in the divorce phase is not to rush. Because hurrying never works and impulsive decisions may not always be right. Always consider divorce as your last resort. Choosing a divorce in the slightest problem is not a solution, it will only be an escape. Dalan said, “Couples who have reached the stage of divorce can live separately for a while if necessary. They should first try to become friends again, then become lovers, and finally become husband and wife. They can apply to a family and marriage therapist for problems they cannot solve and communication problems. It should not be forgotten that divorce is the last resort. In order to prevent a future regret, one should try every way without haste, and a family and marriage therapist should be consulted. If the problems cannot be resolved despite these steps, then divorce can be considered.