Today, this issue is among the biggest problems among couples. Sometimes the consequences can even lead to violence and murder. It is necessary to understand to what extent jealousy is normal and to what extent it is a problematic situation. Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist Asst. Assoc. Dr. Rıdvan Üney gave information about the subject.
HOW DOES JEALOUSY START?
Jealousy is not an innate behavior. We start sharing things with the beginning of our lives. When we realize that the attention we receive has decreased, our jealousy, that is, envy, begins. The feeling of jealousy begins to develop at the age of 2-3. The cause of jealousy in the first years of life is mostly due to sharing love. Sharing the father with the mother or sharing the mother with the father is the first jealousy. Afterwards, a sibling is born, this time sharing the love of the mother or father with the sibling initiates feelings of jealousy. In fact, sibling jealousy can last a lifetime.
Starting in adolescence and continuing into old age, the lover or spouse begins to be jealous. Jealousy is a natural situation in relationships with the opposite sex. It may be rare to never be jealous at all. However, many people may interpret this as the absence of love. Indeed, in some relationships where there is no jealousy, it can be observed that the person has no interest in his/her spouse or lover.
It has always been debated to what extent jealousy should be considered normal. Excessive jealousy in both men and women makes life unlivable. We can consider this as a behavioral disorder.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR WIFE OR LOVER IS EXTREMELY JEALOUS?
- There will be fights and arguments between you due to jealousy.
- Physical or verbal violence may occur.
- He starts counting almost everything as evidence.
- The only topic talked about between you is jealousy.
- Jealousy crises can cause the relationship to end.
- It disrupts all your social relationships and does not allow you to meet other people. Sometimes it may even forbid you from seeing people of the same sex.
- It interferes excessively with your clothing and make-up.
- It closes your social media accounts.
- It can wiretap your phones.
- He often asks where you are on the phone.
- Makes sudden raids on your business.
- He doesn’t want you to leave the house alone. He even wants to go everywhere with you.
- Examines your phone and credit card statements.
- They have extremely suspicious attitudes.
- Being late home for any reason will cause serious fights.
- You constantly have to prove that you are innocent.
- Sometimes it brings up strange or funny cheating scenarios that you would never have thought of.
If you are experiencing such problems, first of all, give it a little more attention. Don’t be overly argumentative on jealousy issues. Spend some more time with him. However, if there is no change despite these, you should definitely get help from a psychiatrist or psychologist together with your spouse or lover.
Jealousy is an important problem in our country. In a scientific research in our country; It has been shown that 70% of violence against a spouse is due to jealousy.
REASONS FOR JEALOUSY BETWEEN SPOUSES
- One’s self-confidence problem.
- Some personality traits.
- Don’t feel worthless.
- Don’t compare with others.
- Spouse’s suspicious behavior.
- Lack of expressing the love of the other party.
- Extreme fears about abandonment.
- Don’t constantly compare yourself with the other person.
- Perceiving other people as a threat.
- Diseases that cause some impaired judgment, such as schizophrenia.
- Don’t drink excessive alcohol.
- Do not use drugs.