There are three main causes of sexual dysfunctions after birth: Dyspareunia, that is, painful intercourse, the general health of the mother, or birth defects. Decreased libido, difficulty in orgasm or vaginal dryness are the most common problems. If these problems are not resolved within a year at the latest – and I would never prefer it to take that long – they should not wait even one more day to knock on our door. As for the effect of the mode of birth on sexuality; for some reason, some women think that they will be adversely affected in case of cesarean section and some women in normal delivery. However, a direct effect of the mode of delivery on sexual desire has not been determined. The specified return to sexual life times are independent of the mode of delivery. In case of cesarean section, sexual intercourse is possible with the end of the convalescence process and the healing of the stitches. Even though there are no stitches in normal birth, the end of the convalescence is enough to start sexuality. It doesn’t usually start that fast, of course, but I wanted to point out that it’s technically possible. In other words, the mode of birth does not affect the woman. What affects it is the changing hormone balance.
If more than eight weeks have passed, and there has not been the slightest change in sexual desire in the mother and there is a feeling that there will be no more, I suggest that they consult a therapist as a couple.
You may have an excuse
Women who have not found what they are looking for in sexual life, have never felt much sexual desire and have pursued sexual life as a duty, use postpartum as an excuse and chance to lie down and rest, to stay away from men and sexuality. At this point, Dr. Erdogan adds for men who are ready to blame women in this situation: “When will you realize that you cannot make sexual intercourse attractive enough for women? When will you look at the deficiencies in yourself and start working towards completion? I think postpartum can be a new beginning for you. Confront yourself in the relationship and make the woman an enthusiast, a volunteer of sex life.”
My advice to women; Marry as lovingly as you can and have as many children as you can care for. Don’t let your motherhood make you forget your womanhood. Be sure, fatherhood does not make a man forget his masculinity.
TO RECALL SEXUALITY;
Remind yourself that you are a woman. Take time for some self-care, for example. Do something individually, even if it is 1-2 hours a day. Do whatever you want based on the effect of your hormones. Make fun of it, enjoy it, but do it with pleasure no matter what. By thinking well, without forgetting the other owner of this fruit, without skipping the beautification that the union of motherhood with womanhood will create in your soul…
The primary duty of men is patience, that is, loyalty… Men who cannot be patient can cheat. It is very important that they show their interest and love in the most effective way. One of the biggest advice to men is; To prevent the darkening of the soul of the mother, that is, the spouse, by getting help from the elders of the family. Keep away from other women who are tasked with torturing women who cannot breastfeed and driving them crazy with their constant questions and pressures, and warn them if necessary. Because women, whose stress, sadness and fatigue increase due to external factors, are more difficult to return to sexuality. Help your partner with everything except breastfeeding and making him sleep with his scent. A baby is such an amazing thing that the fact that you did it together is enough to bring you closer again. Article: İpek Koşan
You are now a mother and all you can think about now is your baby’s feeding time. But there is someone else in the house besides the two of you; your partner. This man, who spends his days experiencing the feeling of fatherhood, has another area of interest besides the baby; sex. After waiting anxiously for the nine months to end, life can be quite difficult for her when she encounters a lack of sexual desire. On the other hand, you also want to return to your own life, but you may not be able to do it. Gynecology and Obstetrics Specialist and Sex Therapist Op. Dr. Listen to our interview with Gökçen Erdoğan…
After giving birth, when is the best time to return to sexuality?
The best time is when the mother feels ready. But we women love to interpret open-ended sentences. Of course, women who do not feel ready for months should not neglect the situation by relying on my first sentence. The recommended and normal period is to return to sexual life 5-6 weeks after giving birth. Men can be so patient, that’s different; but the most important thing is that this period is sufficient for the woman’s hormones to be balanced. If more than eight weeks have passed, and there has not been the slightest change in sexual desire in the mother and there is a feeling that there will be no more, I suggest that they consult a therapist as a couple. Many couples who come to us with the complaint of the end of their postpartum sexual life, first two months, then another month, then a little more, and then almost years are passed.
What are the causes of decreased sexual desire?
After birth, prolactin, a miraculous hormone, is secreted for the mother to breastfeed her baby. Prolactin builds the bond between mother and baby, yes, but there’s something not so innocent about it. That is, it does not directly benefit the bond between men and women, disrupting sexuality. Because of this hormone, which reduces desire, motherhood outweighs femininity. Of course, this is what is needed in this process. Prolactin is a real miracle. It also has another feature; It protects women from pregnancy. Let’s remind, though, don’t forget the other contraceptive method by relying on milk protection. Because motherhood is never left to chance.
How to restore sexual desire?
It’s not that hard actually. When the hormonal balance returns to normal, if there is no break in the communication between the spouses and if the state of husband and wife during pregnancy is not forgotten, sexual desire comes back with some time and support. Of course, in order for this process to proceed more painlessly, easily and normally, the woman should not rely on the negative and should not be adorned with fears. In most cases of postpartum vaginismus, we see that women think about this possibility throughout pregnancy and code themselves as such. No, that’s not true. ‘This is a process, this is how it will happen. Then the old order will be restored and being three people will not end our relationship, we should say ‘we are a couple’ and always look at the situation as usual.
How to establish a balance between sexuality and the baby?
The mother is a woman in any case. If a woman is born from a birth, it is a mother. It’s the balance. All women who have no health problems are women who are mothers. On the other hand, women with health problems or those who cannot give birth may be a different type of mother, loving other children, auntie, aunt, or sister-in-law with the instincts given to them. Fortunately, science is advancing rapidly, and methods and success rates for parenting are increasing. The first two sentences of this answer are our key. The woman exists with her hormones; Before she became a mother and after she became a mother… Her sexuality is inherently loaded on her like all people, and her order depends on her own efforts, life, habits, wishes, and on her partner. As long as there are no problems with these, sexuality proceeds with a satisfactory good. If there is a problem with these, it is possible to repair, treat and therapy. The baby should neither be an obstacle to sexuality, nor a cause or purpose of sex. It is useful to consider the two separately. I say this in this sense; Of course, your sexuality is important even when you are not thinking of a baby, even after having a baby. Because when you become a mother, you don’t stop being a woman. This is not a job to resign or a job to rebel against.