The first and fifth years, called the crisis years in marriages, are generally the periods when every couple experiences their biggest arguments. According to TUIK’s 2010 data, 39.9 percent of divorces occurred within the first five years of marriage. Psk. According to Uğur Dalan, the biggest problem experienced in the first years is the adaptation problem; “Couples trying to adapt to marriage, a new life, new responsibilities, different cultures and families; Especially if the period of getting to know each other before marriage is not sufficient, they may experience major problems and these problems may progress to separation. In order to avoid these problems in the first years of marriage, the pre-marital period should be evaluated well, couples should know each other well enough and couples should present themselves as they are. “These problems are especially common in marriages established by people who present themselves differently before marriage.” The reasons for the 10th anniversary crisis are different from those experienced in the first years. The biggest reason here is shown to be the decrease in interest, love and respect.
The reasons for applying in this group are that problems that do not come to light over time due to the hustle and bustle of daily life and the busyness of children come to light as a result of retirement and children getting married and leaving home. Other reasons for application: Applying for therapy as a last chance before divorce, individual applications to cope with the stress during the divorce, interviews for adaptation for both yourself and the children after the divorce. Before marriage: ‘How can we make our relationship better?’ question becomes the main goal in these couples. Early marriage: The highest demand comes from couples at this stage. Because marriage is a huge change in life. We can call it a kind of life crisis. Spouse’s family, budget management, lack of communication, jealousy and sexuality are the biggest reasons for divorce in this period. Marriages that have been going on for a while: In ongoing marriages, the reason for application may often be a new situation, person or circumstances in life. Involvement of dependents (spouse’s elderly parents), unemployed women starting to work, appointments, city changes can fuel marital conflicts and may be a reason for applying for couple therapy. Older couples: We can say that these couples are the group that uses couple therapy the least.
As a result, communication problems and infidelity are among the consequences that can lead couples to the courtroom. To avoid this problem, try to keep yourself and your marriage fresh and avoid a monotonous life. This problem is quite common in unrenewed monotonous marriages.
Take your time
Psk. Uğur Dalan says that his first advice to couples who are in the divorce phase is not to rush. Because rushing never pays off and impulsive decisions may not always be correct. Always consider divorce as your last resort. Choosing divorce in the slightest problem will not be a solution, but will at best be an escape. Dalan said, “Couples who are at the stage of divorce can live apart for a while if necessary. They should first try to be friends again, then to become lovers, and finally to become husband and wife. They can consult a family and marriage therapist for problems and communication problems that they cannot solve. It should not be forgotten that divorce is the last resort. In order to avoid any regrets in the future, you should try every possible way without rushing and consult a family and marriage therapist. “If the problems cannot be resolved despite these stages, then divorce can be considered,” he says.