WRITING: BARAN ALIŞKAN
For some of us, falling in love with someone is the most beautiful feeling in the world. If you do not see such a person when you look around and look around, that person may be you. Because everyone has someone like that around, right? We are talking about the protagonists of long-term relationships or marriages. According to them, being a couple allows you to express yourself more clearly by sharing life in the real sense. We meet people who are happy, sad, travel the world, face difficulties and do everything we can think of together. Welcome to the Couples Club! The first rule is to be intoxicated with mutual love. Relationship people are as if they were sent into the world to live a common life for two. We want to take a brief look at the lives of those people we always remember with their lover, spouse or partner. When you think of someone, if you remember him with his partner, congratulations, that person is a permanent member of this club. Although the modern world brings individuality to the fore, the couples club maintains its place in our lives as a timeless formation.
Relationship: A Way of Survival
The romantic relationships that we have established from a young age continue with varying durations in the following years. Sometimes for a while, sometimes for a lifetime, we continue our lives as monogamous. Some of us just want to spend all their time with someone when they feel close to someone. In these relationships, all life experience is gained together and new experiences are discovered together. Growing up together and ‘How to spend a life together?’ They appear as living answers to the question. According to Specialist Psychologist Dilay Süloğlu, we are actually emotionally dependent from the moment we are born.
In order for us to survive; By acquiring a spouse, we need to meet our basic needs such as nutrition, reproduction and security with this spouse. So people in permanent relationships most likely see it as a form of survival. However, it is necessary to carefully distinguish this concept of ‘constant romantic relationship’ from an addiction. The need to have romantic relationships and the need to be in romantic relationships diverge. Psychologist Süloğlu: “Romantic relationship appears as a need of the primitive brain. However; Depending on many reasons, such as the lack of a balanced and secure relationship with the mother, having traumatic memories in early childhood experiences, including feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy in one’s own thoughts, a person can turn the relationship into an object of addiction. At the same time, we all have meanings in our minds that we attribute to events, situations and people. In individuals with relationship addiction, we see that this meaning attributed to the romantic relationship and therefore to the partner has both exaggerated and distorted aspects.
On the other hand, it is useful to talk about the advantages of being a relationship person. For example, as a natural teammate, fighting for life shoulder to shoulder is the kind that can meet expectations in this period. It’s like having someone to accompany you in the organizations you are always invited to, or making sure that your favorite close friend is in love with you. Lone wolves—that’s how we’ll talk about singles in this file—even when they’re free to do whatever they want, from time to time they have a hard time finding people to quell their emotional cravings. He may have difficulty joining an organization alone or finding a teammate to pursue a common ideal. Of course, let’s underline that they are extremely lucky to realize the ‘secret bachelor moves’ that we all have.
We may have rituals that we enjoy doing and that we cannot share with anyone. It may not be easy to exhibit these behaviors when you have a partner. I mean, isn’t there anyone among you who listens to that song that everyone is making fun of and dances by displaying interesting figures in front of the mirror?
Anyway… Someone we describe as a relationship person has had long relationships throughout her life and got married with her last boyfriend. She knew she didn’t understand dating and wanted to bond more closely with the person she had feelings for. “Living a stable life makes me feel peaceful,” says the relationship person who doesn’t like to take risks and is more assured. “When you find someone who completes you, one decision in life that is already complicated enough (choosing a mate) is diminished. In time, a mutual transformation and integration begins. You mature together and develop each other,” she says. He adds that as the commitment increases, you are already walking together towards a common ideal. He also states that he has learned something from all the relationships he has had so far, and that he has experienced many different lives in this way.
A couple who have spent the last 12 years together, on the other hand, say that being in a relationship is extremely stressful. Thinking about all plans, decisions and the future for two can be tiring at times. At the same time, it is necessary to tremble as if you are the parent of both the relationship and the other party. Although the parties were socially limited during the relationship, the advantage of being a couple was advantageous in terms of having someone to watch your back in any situation. The biggest problem, they add, is that everyone sees you as a ‘relationship expert’ because you can maintain this regular relationship for years. Despite all the difficulties, they are very satisfied with the current situation. They really are relationship people…
starting. You mature together and develop each other,” she says. He adds that as the commitment increases, you are already walking together towards a common ideal. He also states that he has learned something from all the relationships he has had so far, and that he has experienced many different lives in this way. A couple who have spent the last 12 years together, on the other hand, say that being in a relationship is extremely stressful. All his plans, decisions and future
Relationship Person vs. Lone Wolves
On the other hand, lone wolves experience and gain experience all alone, with their individuality in the foreground. Let’s face it, it’s much easier for lone wolves to make decisions without thinking about anyone else than it is for people in a relationship. A job offer from abroad or the idea of a sudden career change can be decided on your own. But if you have someone in your life, you may need to consider other things before deciding on these issues. On the relationship people side, every long relationship is the easiest way to experience a different life and to get to know a different person and family. Shall we consider the Couples Club and lone wolves as two different groups and look at the differences between their lifestyles? According to Specialist Psychologist Dilay Süloğlu, being alone is against human nature. However, in the 21st century, people draw attention with their efforts to be individual. Because we can meet many things we need without needing anyone else. For this reason, the need to establish relationships is replaced by individual lives day by day. In short, he argues that relational needs are evolving.
Expert Psychologist Dilay Süloğlu: “The greater and exaggerated their romantic relationship is for people in relationships, the more worthless the perception of relationships is for people we call lone wolves, who are afraid of attachment and intimacy. Relationship people, who feel like nothing without someone else, put their partner at the center of their life and in case of possible separation, they start to suffer ‘withdrawal’ just like in substance addiction. You may even hear phrases such as ‘I can’t even breathe without it’ or ‘I almost lost a very important limb’. Because they cannot stand this feeling of deprivation for a long time, they either return to the current relationship even if it hurts, or they quickly look for a new partner.
On the other hand, people who prefer solitude establish relationships, but these relationships are short-term, in which they do not feel connected and do not express their feelings.” Relationship people have to struggle with some difficulties as they come to life with their partners in our memory. So much so that when it becomes ‘relationship addiction’, it means meeting the separation process with anxiety. Specialist Psychologist Süloğlu thinks that the relationship person may experience the fear of losing their partner intensely.
He also thinks that he can engage in behaviors such as interventions towards the partner, manipulative movements, not accepting the separation and making unlimited sacrifices in order to save the relationship. Being the only one in a couple or being a soldier in the army of the lonely has their own advantages and disadvantages. Relationship people need a close companion to share their life adventure with or they prefer to share life with someone. Lone wolves, on the other hand, strengthen their own experiences by experiencing life alone. It can be difficult to enter as a loner among couples who create a unique communication and life. But when we find our soul mate, we can enter that mysterious ‘couples club’. What happens at couple dates, couple vacations and couple dinners will remain a mystery. Those who think that they are not relationship people will continue to discover the secrets of the adventurous world waiting to be discovered. Let’s say goodbye to the first dilemma: to be attached to someone with great love or to be single or sultan? The decision is yours!