The Daily Top 10 » Comedy

Top 10 Good Boys of Rock & Roll

fairlane — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 14:45:19 +0000

If music is religion, these bands are the gods.

They are the good boys of rock and roll.

They rock, they curse in their lyrics, they say the f word in interviews but that is the extent of their “bad boy” genes. They diss nobody, if they do criticize others, they do it constructively, they don’t subscribe to the ‘I’ll destroy the hotel, I’m a rock star attitude’, their private lives are private.

Boring? You judge.

10. Slipknot

They have been very critical of commercialism but come on, that’s not being bad. They just hate commercialism. They are actually “victims” of it because they have sold millions of records.

Despite their black attire, gory masks, hardly comprehensible lyrics, they don’t really get into fights with anyone. They don’t talk shit about anyone or anyone’s ideology. They just… mind their own business.

They even expressed gratitude to the Grammy’s when they got one.

9. Jon Bon Jovi

Alright, before you talk shit about Bon Jovi, stop. I ain’t here to discuss if they really are a rock band or not.

They have been dissed and insulted by so many bands out there – newbies and veterans alike but they never talked back.

What’s more? They are still together after decades of rockin’ it.

Hmmm, at least half of the band admitted to cheating on their wives. I dunno… cheating?

8. The Beach Boys

One of them had a lunacy attack of some sort but that’s hardly being bad.

Their music is peachy sweet. No rumbles, no punching paps.

They just might cure me of insomnia… unless they start using their lunacy as an excuse to destroy every stop sign in the U.S. and piss on stage in the middle of his performance?

7. Dave Matthew Band

This is one of those bands that have stood the test of time. Alright, you can’t call them the hard rockin’ band that people swarm to when they walk the streets but man, do they make some good music.

They are still intact and there has been no news about in-band squabbles or shit like that. They make music, they sing, they do their awesome thing and then they go home to their families.

Come on Dave, you’ve been around for two decades. If that is not a free pass to commit at least one DIU, I don’t know what is.

6. Eagles

Even when they broke up no one said anything bad about anyone because there was nothing bad about anyone.

When they were apart, they remain friends and when they felt like they were ready to rock, they went back to each other.

You’ve never heard about them dissing each other or dissing other people. No incidents of collapsing on stage because they were too high to play. No moments of hitting the fans with charis or their musical instruments.

They’re good guys… well, except that Hotel California song that practically screams “long live hell!”.

Top 10 Hilarious & Poignant Commencement Speeches By A Celebrity

fairlane — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 15:00:44 +0000

Imagine when the commencement speaker at your graduation suddenly picks you to be a part of his next movie with Ben Stiller. That can only happen if the speaker is an ultra cool, super funny, monumentally powerful director from Hollywood like the Farrely brothers.

These brothers and other celebrities delivered some of the most hilarious but certainly poignant speeches in recent history. A propoer send off to the future of the most powerful country in the world. Yeah!

10. JK Rowling

Venue: Harvard University

Year: 2008

One of the many memorable parts:

Thank you not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honor but for the weeks of fear and nausea I have endured at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight…

Delivering a commencement speech is a great responsibility or so I thought until iI cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was baronness Mary Warnick. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enermously in writing this one because it turns out I cannot remember a single word she said.

Now, I am not afraid that this speech will inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

9. Adam Sandler

Venue: Manchester Central High School

Year: 2010

One of the many memorable parts:

High school is like always being at Disney World while the real world is very mean and scary.

8. Jimmy Fallon

Venue: College of Saint Rose

Year: 2009

One of the many memorable parts:

You are gonna walk out of here and you’re not gonna be in college anymore. The real world is freakin’ terrifying. Have you seen the movie The Graduate? The real world is not gonna be like that in the movie. When you leave here today, the parents will not gonna want to have sex with you.

You’re gonna out there whether you like it or not. The good news is that you are tottally ready for it.

7. Farrely Brother

Venue: Roger Williams University

Year:2007

One of the many memorable parts:

In our case it was mid to late 20s until we realize what we really want to do. You have to listen to an inner voice. There shouldn’t be many of them. There should be one. Listen to the non violent one.

At some point, whatever it is you want to do, you guys are off the rails. You can go in any direction you want. So do the craziest.

They also made it more interesting by selecting a random graduate to appear in their upcoming film, “Heartbreak Kid,” with Ben Stiller.

6. Conan O Brien

Venue: Harvard University

Year:2000

One of the many memorable parts:

Fifteen years ago I sat where you sit now and I thought exactly what you are now thinking: What’s going to happen to me? Will I find my place in the world? Am I really graduating a virgin?

I was actually once a student here once like you. I came here in the fall of 1981 and lived in Holworthy. I was, without exaggeration, the ugliest picture in the Freshman Face book.

Top 10 Funniest Celebrities To Interview

fairlane — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:30:51 +0000

These are the precious moments when celebrities bring their whole game to interviews and talk shows.

There are so many celebrities who don’t like talking with the press but there are some who just bring it on. They enjoy conversations and they enjoy having a good laugh with some of the wittiest and funniest talk show hosts.

Here are the best of them.

10. Dustin Hoffman

Hoffman is perhaps going down the list as one of the top 10 most versatile actors of all time. There aren’t many roles he can’t play. Three are probably none.

What not many realize is that he is also a very witty and funny guy. He doesn’t do a lot of interviews but when he does, he always floors the audience.

Below is his appearance in Parkinson, a host not known for his comedy but Hoffman managed to drop some punchlines here and there amusing even Parkinsons.

9. Eminem

Next to being angry and being a great rapper/songwriter, Eminem is great at being funny. It is not always noticed because people just ask him about the other celebrities he disses on his records.

He doesn’t smile a lot and it gives me the impression he does it on purpose but just watch his interviews and you will see how funny he really is.

8. Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus will be in this business for a long time. It shows in her confidence, especially in her interviews. She is barely out of her teens and she can match the wit of any talk show host.

Below is her interview with Jonathan Ross. Many celebrities are actually scared of Ross because he manages to own everyone who sits on his sofa. With Cyrus, though, he actually called her “the scariest guest he ever had”.

7. Madonna

Madonna can be funny if the host interviewing her can match her wit and understand her humor.

This is the infamous 1994 interview with David Letterman.

Watch how the two battled it out until the end. Who do you think won?

6. Drew Barrymore

Another David Letterman classic. During a 1995 appearance of Drew Barrymore she shocked the normally calm host by climbing onto his desk and flashing him (but with her back to the camera) for his birthday.

Barrymore is a bit more tamed now. Don’t you miss the good old days?

Top 10 Funniest Triumph The Comic Dog Moments

fairlane — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 14:00:19 +0000

This is one dude that will surely floor you in his every appearance.

It’s not only the wit… but also the balls for being able to say the things other people are too scared to say to big celebrities.

Ladies and gentlemen, Triumph the comic dog’s funniest pooping moments.

10. David Blaine

While David Blaine is hanging upside down doing one of his absurd magic tricks, Triumph pays him a visit.

Blaine’s usual blank expressions is replaced with giggles as the Triumph cheers him on to complete his trick… with some little insults here and there.

9. Joan Rivers and Franz Ferdinand

Triumph appears in Access Hollywood and gets a close encounter with Joan River’s frozen face.

The lady took the insults like a real lady… but then again, it’s hard to see how she was really feeling since her face is frozen solid.

8. American Idol

Who better to give the contestants a real assessment of how much they really suck but Triumph.

He is not just a funny dog, he is also very good at giving ~~insults~~ constructive criticisms.

7. Tony Awards

Triumph makes his apperance in the tv event that no one cares about.

As the dog puts it, this is bound to be his appearance with the lowest rating of all.

I wouldn’t be surprise to know that his segment is the highest rating part of the entire awards night.

6. Jay Leno 2003

Leno, being the more held back talks show host of all, spent most of his time laughing at Triumph. The dog, of course, didn’t let his opportunity to ask Leno if he could hump his chin. Leno didn’t oblige. Party pooper!

Other than that, Leno was played it cool. He let the dog have his moment and fed him only questions to set him up for his punchlines.

Top 10 Funniest Celebrity Impressions of Other Celebrities

fairlane — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 14:00:13 +0000

These are rarely seen clips of A-list actors doing impressions of other A-list actors in talk shows or other awards night.

I know that Saturday Night Live does a lot of impressions so I didn’t include them in the list.

10. Justin Timberlake does a John Mayer

Justin’s comic side is one thing that is not known to many. He is a fun and funny guy who does not really take himself too seriously.

He did an impression of John Meyer. The voice was perfect and the facial expressions just floored me. I don’t really like his music but I like his comedy. I have new found respect for JT.

9. Dane Cook does a Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise’s infamous couch jumping has been made fun of so much that it already made me sick. Besides, I don’t think it could be funnier than the original anyway.

Well, I was wrong. Dane Cook did.

8. Jim Carrey does a David Caruso of CSI

I like CSI Nevada. I like the cases and the actors and the direction and that whole “we’re the original” kindda thing.

I also like CSI Miami because David Caruso makes me laugh. I think he is a respectable actor but he simple overdoes his part on this one. Really distracts me from the great cases they are dealing with.

I hope he watched Jim Carey’s impression of him just as so he could tone it down. I still love CSI Miami though.

7. Kevin Spacey does an Al Pacino, Marlon Brando, and others

Kevin Spacey rocks!

I knew he was a good actor. I didn’t know he could do funny impressions.

Man, his impression of Al Pacino and Marlon Brando is one of the best I have ever seen.

6. Kevin Pollak does a Christopher Walken

There really are some actors that is just funny to copy because of their unique voice and unique mannerisms. Those are the things that make them stand out among the crowd.

One of those people is Christopher Walken and Kevin Pollak won our hearts with his impression of Walken.

Top 10 Rockstar Commandments

fairlane — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 14:00:13 +0000

It is out… the commandments that rockstars don’t want us to discover.

They all follow the ten commandments brought down from Mt. Rock and Roll. These are the commandments you shall abide by if you want to become a – ROCKSTAR.

10. Thou shalt wear sunglasses at all times… especially indoors

Sunglasses aren’t there to protect your eyes from the bright rays of the sun… it is there to protect you from the blinding brightness of your rock and roll career. Mere mortals will never understand that so don’t pay attention if they think you’re a homeless blind man.

Wear it, my child. Wear it proud.

9. Thou shalt wear leather jackets at all times… I don’t care if it’s hot

Make sure you have hundreds of leather jackets and you wear them all the time. I know stage light is hot and the sun is up… but you’re so cool, you’ll freeze solid of your own coolness. So wear ‘em.

8. Thou shalt have a unique beginning

It is necessary that you get discovered in a really unique way. If it didn’t happen, it would be necessary to invent it.

Get a professional scriptwriter to make one up for you. Without a unique beginning you will not have a unique end. So don’t be shy… just lie.

7. Thou shalt have a rival

There should be a yin yang kindda thing going on. If the other band chooses to take the higher road and be modest about it, bully them endlessly. Threaten to kill them, taunt them whenever you know you will see them in an event, tell everyone you wish they’ll get aids and die drowning from their own puke.

Now, if the other band does this… well, outdo them.

6. Thou shalt fight with your bandmates

Make your fights public. Make sure that the paparazzis are around or at least someone will take a photo and video of your fights. It is also a must to put them on youtube.

Now, it would be better if your make fights physical. Hit each other with guitars or baseball bats or whatever you can get your hands on. Do this several times. Preferably, this should lead to your band’s break up.

Top 10 Funniest Insults By Notable Personalities

fairlane — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 14:33:40 +0000

Friends, the most brilliant insults by notable personalities. Once you hear these words directed at you, there is no possible comeback.

Have fun and may you find the perfect moment for you to echo their lines.

10. He would make a lovely corpse.

Charles Dickens

This one floored me. Charles Dickens? The man is known for A Tale of Two Cities and Great Expectations. I never expected such an epic insult can come for this guy. I now have a new found respect for Mr. Dickens.

About the Quoted Personality: Charles Dickens was the most successful English novelist in the Victorian Era.

9. I did not attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain

Before Noel Gallagher made insulting people and comedy a living, second to his music, there was Mark Twain. He was the rock star without the guitars. Put Letterman and Leno together and they will not even come close to the vicinity of Mark Twain’s sarcasm greatness.

And you all have to admit, there are so many people around these days whom you would approve the funeral of.

About the Quoted Personality:Twain is considered the greatest American humorist. He is an author of popular novels like Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

8. He had a big head and a face so ugly it became almost fascinating.

Ayn Rand

Come on, you can really come up with at least five names of people whose face are so ugly, it should be one of the World’s Wonder. Hey, I am not saying I’m the best looking person around. I know I’m ugly but some people are just uglier.

About the Quoted Personality:Ayn Rand came up with the philosophy called Objectivism. According to Wikipedia, it is the belief that reality exists independent of consciousness, that individuals have direct contact with reality through sense perception, that human beings can attain objective knowledge from perception through the process of concept formation and inductive and deductive logic, that the proper moral purpose of one’s life is the pursuit of one’s own happiness or rational self-interest, that the only social system consistent with this morality is full respect for individual rights, embodied in pure laissez faire capitalism, and that the role of art in human life is to transform man’s widest metaphysical ideas, by selective reproduction of reality, into a physical form—a work of art—that he can comprehend and to which he can respond emotionally.

Nose bleed.

7. I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located?

Ashleigh Brilliant

It really feels good to find another way of telling someone ‘you’re stupid’.

About the Quoted Personality:Ashleigh Brilliant is known for writing comic strips and short clever notes usually limited to 17 words. He is one of the most widely-quoted living writers, and also the highest-paid.

6. She is a vacuum with nipples.

Otto Preminger

Otto Preminger was talking about Marilyn Monroe. Yes, the girl that inspired what is now known to be Hollywood’s quintessential sex symbol was called a vacuum with nipples.

About the Quoted Personality:Preminger is an Austro-Hungarian American director who started in theatre then moved to Hollywood where he directed over 35 feature films in a five. The guy was colossal for his career and his remark.

Top 10 Accidental Geniuses

fairlane — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 14:00:52 +0000

This is why I have come believe that not everyone is created equal. There are the geniuses in the field of science, art, music, math, history and business. Then, there are the elite. They are the ones who managed to make us all go ‘WTF!’.

10. Kid Rock

This guy was a rapper. No, not the Mike Shinoda kind of rapper. He was a dance-to-my-rapping kind of rapper. He was with some hip hop groups called Furious Funkers and The Beast Crew. That didn’t work out so… he shifted to rock. Yes, because rock is like a back up to hip hop!

He released an album but couldn’t get the radio stations to play it because it was too hip hop for a rock album. Go figure. He put up his own record label, sold albums off the trunk of his car and got a major record label to sign him. He didn’t sell any records either.

He went back to dj’ing (I was told that is how it is spelled) where he met some MTV people. MTV made him a judge in some of their karaoke shows and a DJ in some of their TV specials. He proceeded to sell millions of records, tour the world with Limp Bizkit and somewhere in between, married, divorced, reconciled, and broke up with Pamela Anderson.

To this day, the world knows not one his songs. As I’ve said, genius!

9. Puff Daddy/Sean Combs/P. Diddy / Diddy

I thought you need to have a sense of beat to get into the music business. I thought you need to know how to rap to become a rapper. P. Diddy defied those rules, big time. He even won a Grammy for Best Rap Album. Imagine that. The guy can’t even make up what to call himself. I heard that lately, he refers to himself Ciroc Obama.

Oh, but who cares? He has billions in the bank. He can buy me, return me and buy me again a million times over and still have some left for five lifetimes.

8. Prince

If you can’t make it on your own, choose someone great to compete with. Just make sure the other dude has enough popularity for the both of you.

Prince spent most of career’s prime competing with Michael Jackson. He managed to have numerous multi platinum albums and is now recognized as an influential musician in history. No one really knows what he influenced but who gives a fuck. He has a purple piano, a yellow guitar, thousands of elevator shoes, a very defined set of eyebrows and cars that is worth more than some countries in Asia.

7. Angelina Jolie

It’s okay to say you want to have sex with every man in the world before you die… it’s okay to carry you husband’s blood on your neck… it’s okay have sex with every leading man you have even if it’s not necessary… it’s okay to steal someone’s husband… all you have to do is adopt children from different parts of the world and everything will be okay.

If we have a President is half as good as Angelina, we would have never had recession.

6. Chuck Norris

Because Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice… because when Chuck Norris does a push up, he does not lift himself up, he pushes the world down… because the drummer of Def Leppard got only one arm, Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher… because the only thing going through the minds of Chuck Norris’ victims before they die, is his shoes… because Chuck Norris can control any TV without a remote by yelling at them… because if you spell Chuck Norris in scrabble, you win – FOREVER.

Top 10 Funniest Moments in Movies

Bob — Tue, 04 May 2010 07:00:22 +0000

Thanks to the comic movie makers for giving us so many movies to watch and laugh. Some such movies had really funny moments that can never be forgotten in the history of big screen. It is difficult to make a movie with all the scenes worth remembering but some scenes were made funny to such an extent that we cherish them even now. Here is a list of top 10 most funny moments ever seen on the big screen.

10. Anne Hall – New York Theatre scene

One can’t forget to talk about the funny Anne Hall – New York Theatre scene while discussing the top 10 most funny moments on big screen. In the scene the real life Marshall McLuhan comes from behind a lobby to talk to a pseudo intellectual critic.

9. The Apartment – Curtain Closing scene

No one has forgotten the funny curtain closing scene of The Apartment movie that was released in 1960. In this scene, an insurance worker professes his love to the elevator operator in a very funny way while playing a card game.

8.The Cable Guy –Medieval fighting scene

Medieval fighting scene of The Cable Guy is another funny moment on the big screen that is cherished by many. In this scene, a cable guy, Chip Douglas is shown taking the cable customer Steven Kovacs to the best restaurant in town. The funniest thing in this scene is that there is no utensil but a Pepsi in this restaurant.

7. Born Yesterday – Game Scene

The game scene of Born Yesterday movie made many laugh aloud. In the scene a millionaire junk dealer, Harry Brock plays a silent game of gun rummy with none other than his dumb mistress Billie Dawn.

6.Sister Act – Oh maria

Released in 1990, Ghost was a drama movie with a scary name but the cheque giving scene was an exception. This scene gave space to many laughters in the cinema when viewers went to see it. This scene is still counted in the best comic scenes on the big screen.

Top 10 Barney Stinson Speeches

Bob — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 11:00:48 +0000

If you ever met a smooth-talking guy, who thought the world of himself and considered himself to be a real ladies man, chances are, you would cut him off before he even got talking. But then how is it that all the ladies seem to love Barney Stinson – the well-dressed, smooth-talking guy from ‘How I Met Your Mother’? The answer may lie in the following top ten Barney Stinson speeches.

10. When I get sad, I stop being sad

If you thought that all Barney could ever do was throw around wisecracks, take a moment and see if there isn’t some grain of truth in what he is saying. After all, what can be a better way to put your troubles behind you than to stop wallowing in the past and look to the future?